Helping a loved one who is suicidal
If a friend or family member shows signs of suicidal thoughts, how you respond matters. Talking with care, respect and without judgment can help protect their life. One of many evidence-based methods is QPR: question, persuade, refer.
Question
Start the conversation with empathy. Speak in a calm, caring and specific way when it comes to what you have seen about their behavior. You might say, “I’ve noticed you have seemed more down and withdrawn over the last few weeks,” or “I’ve noticed that you haven’t seemed like yourself in a few weeks. Are you okay?” This shows concern and helps them feel safe to talk.
Persuade
If a person admits to suicidal thoughts, offer hope to stay alive and seek help. Allow them to keep speaking and validate their feelings while offering an alternative to suicide. You might say, “Will you go with me to get help?”
Refer
Finally, refer the person to professional resources. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline may help connect callers to trained crisis counselors who provide assessment and referral to appropriate services. Resources may include an emergency room at a hospital or a mental health professional that can schedule with the person as soon as possible. If the individual refuses help and you believe they are in danger, call 911 and ask for an ambulance. If you are a child or teen, tell a trusted adult. This could be a parent, teacher, school counselor, doctor, faith leader or family friend. Even if your friend asks you not to tell anyone, getting help is the right choice.
Keep in mind
Many people who think about suicide do reach out. They often talk first with friends or family, not a mental health professional. Always take their words seriously. If you sense danger, act right away. This is a life-or-death situation.
Do not leave the person alone. If there is concern about imminent danger, staying with the person is important. Your presence can bridge the gap until professional help is accessed. If there is a medical emergency, call 9111.
Help reduce access to lethal means. If you are aware of any risky objects or medication in the home, do your best to secure them or keep the person away until they can get help.
If you are still unsure, act. If you are not sure they are safe, or you cannot make a clear safety plan, take them to a hospital right away. If they refuse help and you believe they are in danger, call 911 and ask for an ambulance.
What not to say
Avoid these responses. They can cause harm:
- “Your life isn’t that bad.” Their pain is real.
- “You don’t really want to die.” Take their words seriously.
- “You have so much to live for.” They may not feel that way right now.
- “Everyone has problems.” This can make them feel more alone.
Why this matters
Listening with care and helping someone reach support can save a life. Your actions may be the first step toward hope and healing. Do not try to handle it alone or leave the person without a safety plan: identify who they can call, where they can go, and what coping strategies they can consider.
If you are experiencing a behavioral health emergency call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.
If you are experiencing a medical emergency call 911.
This article is brought to you by Lucet. Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Kansas City partners with Lucet to optimize our members’ access to behavioral health services. For more information call the behavioral health number on your member ID card or login to your member account at MyBlueKC.com.
